Category Archives: confessions

Torn Away

(written @ 4 on June 28)

There are so few books out there that make me feel. Make me feel everything the main character does like I was right there. Make me feel the anger and passion and love and fear and excitement and sadness. I’ve only read about 10 books that force me to read through the night without a second thought.

That’s why I’m thrilled beyond belief when I can find a book that can make feel these things.

Let me give you an idea to how HARD of a reader I am when I stumble across a book like this. I started this particular book last night around 9, stayed up until 2 in the morning, picked it up again at 10 and finished it at 3 in the afternoon. During that whole time, I never drank or ate anything. I only paused because I promised myself a shower and to do one homework assignment. Then I went straight back to it until I finished.

Let me tell you, my heart is still pounding.

I love getting into a book so much that nothing can distract you. Then afterwords (and this can last for days), I don’t feel like doing much except reading it all over again. I have to either find a book with just as much quality or start some sort of craft project to take my mind off of it.

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Sleep It Away

Finally! You have no idea how good it feels to be able to sleep the whole night (unless of course you also haven’t been doing it for two and a half years). I mean my goodness!

For two years, I’ve been up until 2/4 so I could convince myself I’d been sleeping the whole night. This summer, I promised myself I’d sleep the whole nightand sleep in late. And I’ve done it. In only a month! I’m amazing when I put myself up to something.

For this week my goal was to sleep the whole night through because last week I accomplished the sleeping late aspect. And it’s been a hassle. Usually, when my mom’s here, she’ll let the cats out or feed them or whatever, so they never bother me. But this whole week they woke me up early for food or water or they’d wake me up in the middle of the night to be let out (I don’t because the neighbors literally will come inside at night and yell at me).

But last night, apparently, I let them out for the perfect amount of time before bed and gave them enough food and water to last the night. I also realized one of the major problems was that I was sleeping with a full on comforter and not a sheet (like I usually use during the summer).

I felt so good to wake up, glance at my phone, and realize I slept from 10 to 12. Heavenly!

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Saying Goodbye

It’s really hard for me to say goodbye. Not physically, but mentally. I just miss people and memories too much.

I never really want to leave The Springs and the people in it, but at the same time I know I have to and I’ll be back. But it’s hard only being able to see your sisters and cousins (who you’ve grown up with) once every two months or so. I know that time might get dragged out even longer when I move for college, but I can’t even think about that. We’ve always been so close. We used to do everything together and spend almost every summer day all together.

I hate growing up.

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Inspiration Comes In All Forms

I’m always finding inspiration in things when I don’t go looking for it. For instance, I just found a blog run by a dear old friend of mine. Her name is Mel.

I’ve known Mel since second grade and to be honest, I never liked her in the beginning. She was everything I wasn’t. Beautiful, funny, friendly, popular. And for a kid (and even for adults sometimes) that’s everything. I was a total loner when I was little. I was going through something I hope no one ever has to go through (no matter what age). And she was just this…goddess everyone seemed to look up to. Even me.

If your reading this Mel, did you know that you were my arch nemesis until I went into 9th grade? I hated you with a passion because I never thought I’d be as good as you. Now, being older, I realize that you’re as human as I am. You make mistakes, I make mistakes.

Back then, I never would have thought we’d ever sit down for coffee and chat or that I’d see you at all. But I’m so glad we did. Even if our paths never cross again, I want to let you know how much you’ve helped me. Not only did I realize I don’t have to be like you to be beautiful (but don’t we all wish), but I also learned friends come in all shapes, sizes, and times. You were there for me when I had no one else to turn to and thank you for that.

But since we’re done talking about all the gushy stuff, I wanna say why Mel is an inspiration for me. This girl has got class. If you look at her outfits posts on her blog you’ll see what I’m talking about. Stylish.

Plus, she’s one of the only people I know who is following her dream and is never letting other people say she’s too young. She’s only a year older than me and she already owns her own photography business along side her (I don’t feel the word boyfriend does their love justice) boyfriend, Chris. I don’t want to grow up to be her anymore, but I do love what she represents. And that’s never letting them tell you no.

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For A Fear Of College

Thanks to my bestie, Noelle, I really got into looking for colleges, today. I started narrowing down my list of colleges to apply to awhile ago. Now I have it down to my final 7, and I’m keeping it like that. I really want to get accepted into at least 3, but realistically, I’ll be fine to get into one. Haha.

Here’s my final list:

  • USC (LA, CA)
  • Illinois Institute of Art at Chicago (Chicago, IL)
  • UCCS (Colorado Springs, CO)
  • AI of Cali – SanFran (San Fransisco, CA)
  • Un. of Chicago (Chicago, IL)
  • Columbia University (New York City, NY)
  • NYU (New York City, NY)

As you may notice, all the schools are very urban (just as I like it). I know that if I get into UCCS and another school, it’ll be really hard to decide because I’ve called Colorado home for many years now. It’s going to be hard no matter what school I choose, but leaving all my family and state would be so very hard. Still, if I get into another school, I’ll be able to pull away.

Most of these schools are art schools and all the rest have great art programs. I’m interested in double majoring in Film and English and then having a minor in either Photography or music. I’ve started looking at all the courses and programs offered, and trying to not be overwhelmed by the choices.

I know that I’ll have to work through college with a possibility of two jobs. So, I’ll be busy busy busy, but I don’t think I mind. I like being pulling in all directions and running around all day. It makes the resting periods all the better. I’ll definitely enjoy summer much more (not that I don’t already enjoy it).

College is going to be one of the biggest adventures of my life and I can’t wait to get it started. I’m totally going to miss having the easy high school life, and I’m so afraid of growing up, but everyone does it. It’s just so scary. I have to keep reminding myself there is just so much more to life than being a teenager.

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