The Art of Seduction

I have a real problem with this. Maybe because I try too hard. I could probably win an award for the stupid things I do just to get a guy’s attention. I mean, seriously, it gets scary sometimes. Shall I explain? Well, here’s a list of things I do while “seducing”:

  • eat
  • apply lipgloss/chap stick
  • stare (for a long, awkward time)
  • (when caught staring) quickly look away with a possible side-effect of whip-lash
  • stare at nothing
  • look thoughtful depressed
  • laugh at an extremely loud level (not joking)
  • never talk
  • more staring
  • bite my lip (once until it bled…stupid!)

Do you see now? I don’t get how to do the whole cool, indifferent thing, so I do my own wacky interpretation of it. I have actually slightly injured myself doing this. And eating? I mean really? Since when has chewing like a cow ever been considered a sexy thing? It’s like my go-to, though. Don’t ask me why. 

It’s like I will do anything to look busy or thoughtful and in the end, I just scare him away and anyone else who notices what I do. Which I’m pretty sure is everyone within a five-foot radius.


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