Went out for lunch today. Smugglers. Fries are great(very few) and not loving the chicken strips. But hung out with friends. What?!
Had fun at library. Did some college surfing and lots of talking :). I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and that scares me. I’ve always had stuff figured out. Since I was like five. Now I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing. I guess I’m finally in the same boat as everyone else.
*Sigh* Saw my crush today. Is that to girly? Eh. I don’t care. Every time I see him I honestly feel like I should write a poem about him (which is definitely way too weird). So I end up staring at him, trying to figure out what I could say and I feel a bit like a stalker.
Arianna told me today that I’m a pushover. Which I know. I never want to cause a scene so I try to stick to the shadows and do what everyone else wants. Which is a bit pathetic, I have to admit.
We were sitting in a restaurant and she asked me to ask for ranch. And I let the waitress walk by three times before asking cause I thought shed just notice or something. And as she’s walking by the next time, I asked in a very quiet voice “Can we get some ranch please.” She stared at me for a moment probably wondering what i said. Then Ari turned to me and said, “Wow, you just let people walk all over you, don’t you?” And it’s true. I’ve never had to speak for myself. There was always someone there to talk for me.
Then she asks, “Are you the kind of person who let’s their mom still order for them.” And sadly I replied that yes, my mom ordered for me. And she asked “How are you going to survive on your own?”
I told her that I only do that when other people are around because I just figure they can do it for me. But when I’m on my own I have no one to be my crutch so I’ll do what it takes. Which I think is true. I find more confidence when I’m alone.
I’m sorry for all the jumping around today, but this is straight out of a journal entry and I never care to edit or leave things out when I’m talking to myself. 🙂